What a start to the day, i have a bit of sticky up hair, no doubt this will stick up all day, and if i need to speak to anyone important i will be treated like some street urchin because of my hair chromosomes. I cant cry off work because of this, im not Beyonce Knowles, and bad hair days are part of the territory.
Ive never been one to let something so trivial ruin my day, especially when it looks so beautiful outside, apart from the monster truck outside my pathway.
Ice!!! ICE ON THE WINDSCREEN!!! whats all this about, this is going to delay my journey by a whopping 20 minutes! this may seem trivial but its a huge deal! means i will be last in and miss any important gossip. Theres no way any human can drive through this arctic tundra of wrong.
After using an ice scraper and some magic Tescos ice removing spray i reduced it to this
Guess i will just have to sit it out, time to turn on XFM, but im welcomed by Kaiser Chiefs - Ruby. I have heard this song more times than i have heard people say my name. I quietly weep while Ricky Wilson shouts a girls name at me.
Im out of the car and waiting for the bus, i tricked you all into thinking i can drive there, i cannot. But i am able to get a lift from my house to a suitable bus stop, and im also able to control the radio and ice related products.
People tend to think of Manchester as crime ridden and ugly, how would those very people explain this...
Ahhh my trusty bus pass, passport to anywhere between Manchester and Altrincham, including Didsbury.
This is my bus stop, its of no interest to anyone else but myself, but i am very self indulgent and hope one day someone might recognise me and buy me a Feast ice lolly.
I got on the good ole' 43 and decided to sit behind this man mountain so i could play tri peaks solitaire on my phone undetected.
I enjoy looking out of the window as well as Solitaire, i saw this little fellow...He should tuck his shirt in. No matter how hard you try you will never be accepted into polite society with an untucked shirt.
I like to think the conversation below went along the lines of
" I love you Laura"
"Im tired of hearing it Wayne, now take off that terrible white shellsuit top"
Who do you think wins......
or...............................
The answer is Pizza champion, a king has his position by birthright, a champion has to fight to get where he is, like Russell Crowe in Gladiator.
As i got off the bus i noticed this pair of likely lads, i was worried they might try and punch me in the face or tummy, and that i would be exposed as a terrible fighter.
They left me alone, they dont attack dandys as they know that we have an immaculate sense of style. Im in the office safe from harm at last, this picture is blurry so as to distort confidential information... not really i just have rubbish hands.
You are used to me getting the 43. This time I got the 11. I enjoy variety in my bus rides. I had no time for the 266 or 267
Kim looked like a Russian spy in these big dark glasses, she was giving secret codes over the phone about 'project sputnik'
Not really. She was talking to her Mum. Spies dont blow dandelions, girls blow dandelions. She has a lot to learn if she wants to be a top class spy like me. She will probably end up with some run down private eye firm in Macclesfield. I don't want that for her.
When we got to the metrolink stop, we were told Ronaldo had been ordered to prove he is great. After all, Alexander did, and he was Greek.
We got to the ground and bought two tickets at face value from a tout. Success. He was a big man so I didn't blog it. Here is the East stand instead.
They tried to persuade me to play for Blackburn, but I had neither the will nor the ability. They opened the gate's but I had to politely refuse. I think they mistook me for someone who is moderate at football.
I was a little dejected about my decision not to play. I slipped through the net when they were scouting. They decided my stubble was too outrageous to make a career in the professional game.
I decided to comfort eat.
The coaches containing football players arrived.This man was the most bored man who ever existed in the world.
The Chelsea players must have thought everyone was there to watch them. They were there to see the most bored man who ever existed in the world instead. He looks dejected.
After we grew bored of the bored man we decided to go for a pint. One pub, the Trafford, was a delegated Chelsea pub, we went in. The man with the tattoo on the left of the picture asked why I wasn't wearing blue. The best i could come up with was 'I'm wearing green for celery' I am not ashamed to admit I nearly died with terrorfication.
There were a lot of Chelsea fans. I should have wore blue but it made me seem like a traitor to my club Bolton. Although I did want Chelsea to win, because I dislike Blackburn and United.
Everyone was joining in on the mob mentality and singing cockney knees up songs that I didn't understand. They seemed to be enjoying it. Jellied eel's all round.
Although this fan didnt quite understand. I hope thats not his real name, actually, I hope its not his nickname. I'm not sure what I hope. He was instantly rendered a cock by his shirt anyway.
The teams kicked off. This is Michael Ballack taking a free kick. He narrowly missed.
I really wanted to capture Fat Frank Lampard, He wrote a gospel as you will see in earlier blogs. He is looking positively svelte here.
It went to extra time. I was worried I'd be late for tea. Looks like the players were equally worried. Frank does love his pie & mash.
We were all saved though.
These guys were all worried penalties would mean that they would miss their tea. But everyone was home in time for pie & mash and Chelsea won. Everyone was happy, a happy ending, except for Blackburn fans, they were sorrowful. Oh well.
