They say its not how you get there, its where you end up that matters. As a group we started in different places and ended up in different places. Most of the group started in the dingy backstreets of Boscombe. Kev and I opted for the glistening metropolis of Bournemouth. I was excited.
When everyone rocked up at Wetherspoons to see me and Kev, Ross rocked into action straight away with his magic trick. Someone touches a glass while Ross is looking away and he magically picks which glass the person touched. He downgraded to coins, but apparently his magic still applies.
Which coin to choose?
Ross guessed right. Richy looked impressed but Nathan wasn't having any of it. He said Thom and I were in cahoots. Nathan has a suspicious mind. Maybe he should work in the Police. The magic policeman.
Kev thought he had it figured, he had a trick up his sleeve to catch Ross out. Check out the magic policeman's beady eye on the right.
Kev hovered his finger and touched exactly none.
Ross guessed he had touched none. He was very smug.
Kev and magic policeman weren't convinced.
Richy wasn't bothered, he was too happy to be sceptical. Happy Richy.
Even the magic policeman lightened up.
Richy always peaks very early in the night. All the early signs were there. His girlfriend Michelle is also an early peaker. Every couple needs something in common.
Simon (On the right) made a rare appearance. His inexperience showed when he asked where we were going next. Kevs reaction to this shows it all. He had thrown petrol on a fire ready to erupt.
Ross wanted to go to a new indie night. He assumed everyone would agree.
Michelle wanted to go to Bliss, and had got Sharon and fellow early peaker Richy onside. Michelle was making business calls.
Ross suddenly realised he was going to get mowed by a Bliss flavoured bandwagon. ATTACK ROSS ATTACK!!! (Notice how scared Nathan is)
Ross told us he wasn't going to anywhere which played hip hop. He still had Kev and Thom onside though? Nope. They quickly jumped his sinking ship. It was now everyone vs him. About to be steamrollered by the bandwagon, he was getting more and more aggressive.
Ross and Thom tried to reason with him, they just wanted everyone to stick together, it was like Lennon and Ghandi trying to pacify Genghis Khan.
Eventually Ross realised the game was up and compromised with one drink at Bliss and if its shit we would move on. He seemed happy with this...
Genghis' pent up anger was still brewing though, and he told Nathan he could beat him in an armwrestle. The magic policeman was very amused.
Ross saw Kev laughing at the thought of him winning an armwrestle.
...So challenged him too
The bouncers soon put an end to that tomfoolery but more armwrestling carnage to come. Simon pointed an exciting mullet to me.
The guy was blantantly a hero of heterosexuality, just like Nathan.
...Dangerous.
Camp.
I tried to initiate a moving on. I was sick of Spoons. I made these clowns neck their drinks. Im such a gent.
They're not really clowns, they are nice. When we got outside I saw a sign. I know not what it said.
Ross brought up the armwrestling and challenged Kev once more. Kev accepted.
1....2...3...and GO!
Kev won even without removing his eye shields. At least Ross could take comfort that he could save his masculine honour in the arranged armwrestle with Nathan.
1....2.....3......and GO!
Ross had to sit there, his pride shattered. A broken man. Then came the glint. A denial glint. 'I could beat youse both up anyway' Oh Ross...Good grief. We took Ross to Bliss, a husk of a man now reduced to that 'hip hop shite'. Thom looked thoughtful.
Of course Bliss didnt play hip hop, it played the killers. Ross made a token attempt to enjoy i, but his mind had been made up in wetherspoons.
He convinced Kev and Thom to move to the indie club. I dont think it was as much him as the extortionate drinks. I think they cost rape pound fifty. Kev explained the situation and off they went.
Secrets.
A secret which made Nathan more dangerous.
Then more camp.
As if to confuse things we were then joined by some other colleagues. This is Bohemian Nathan (A seperate Nathan from magic policeman Nathan) and Steph. Nathans back is actually...a girl magnet.
Speaking of girls Sharon was in a mess.
She followed the lead of this pair of early peakers.
She was also shoeless.Like Plato from the hurricanes, or Sandie Shaw, only with the hazard of broken glass.
When we left Bliss, Sharon pointed out that her trotters were still unsheathed. Michelle began the arduous journey of putting her shoes on. Sharon was like a modern day drunken Cindarella, with her own glass slippers.
I couldn't wait any longer, it took roughly an ice age to get Sharons feet shoed. I went on ahead and joined the others in Elements. Bohemian Nathan wasn't happy. They were playing early 90's classics like JX-Theres nothing I wont do.
Id like to point Im merely calling him bohemian because he wears a headband. Steph was loving it.
Apparently ladies and disabled people are packaged into one easy to remember toilet these days.
Time for a take away. Should I have a burger? or maybe a tomato?
I plumped for a kebab.
Carnage.
I asked for large and got this.
It was horrible. I took one bite and cast it asunder on the ground. The remembered Id payed £5.50 for it and nearly cried.
First up was some quiz machine carnage in Wetherspoons.
We played the usual 100-1, but made a tidy sum this time. We put that money in a terrible game where we had to spin a wheel. Easy come, easy go.
I was in good company. Nathan was looking thoughtful, but even his knowledge base couldn't save us from losing our ill gotten gains.
Ross was technically barred from Wetherspoons after his exploits in a previous blog but had snuck under the bouncers radar.
Kev joined us. Legion of doom had big things planned for both of us.
We decided to move on. I needed cash and tried to get through these locked doors for about 2 minutes to get to a cashpoint behind the glass. Even the lockiest of locksmiths couldn't have got through.
We went to Consortium. They had what Ross described as 'Kids playground furniture'. It was more uncomfortable than it looks.
Ross seemed to enjoy them though. He must like kid's playgrounds.
Ross decided to give us football trivia questions. Me and Kev fared quite well on the whole.
Nathan didn't have an exhaustive football knowledge but knew enough to come out with some good answers.
He was obviously proud of the knowledge he demonstrated. We moved on to 'Disco Fever'
Cracks were already appearing in the love/hate relationship which is the legion of doom. I cant remember what Ross did to earn this look of disapproval...
...But I think it involved this slag.
I think it was something particularly terrible as Kev joined the bandwagon condemning him. To the stocks, send him to the stocks.
Nathan soon warmed, as most people do, to Ross. It was probably cheekiness rather than anything malicious. I think Nathans look is disbelief. 'What a clown'
Kev posed for a shot with her. When I say with her I mean behind her back. Interestingly Kev claims he ws sober at this point.
The on/off relationship is back on. Nathan looks giddy with excitement.
Ross didn't seem quite as ecstatic.
To be fair I think it had more to do with the music. Ross doen't understand why anyone from outside Harlem would like R'n'B/Hip hop.
Nathan was giving it the 'Moody, angsty rapper looking into middle distance' look. Its almost dangerous.
Kev was off balance.
They tried to give me dangerous but their smirks ruined it. Nathan is giving the most dangerous look here, coupled with finger expletive action.
Carnage
Banter.
Family fun.
No family fun at all here. Nathan gives me an 8/10 dangerous.
Kev decided to copy one of Nathan's specialities.....Camp....
TO DANGEROUS!!!
Im gonna be generous and give that 9/10. It cant top this though, this should be the cover art to Duran Duran's Wild Boys.
A measure of how classy 'Disco Fever' is.....A thong....on the floor.
The classiness was decreased further by the arrival of Michael Jackson.
I was so pleased that Michael Jackson was in the same club as me, I gave it a quick Emo shot.
Upon leaving we bumped into some other people from our course, including Monique and Jack. They were almost sober. Even in this state Monique doesn't break her stock photo pose.
All in all a good night out, sorry for the delay in posting, but I have to partake in carnage to blog it. Expect a couple more very soon.
