If you were a midget stood directly in front of me this is what you would have seen had you looked up.
Carnage = cash and I am no different. This blog has failed to give me celebrity trappings. I entered the secret combination to unlock my vast vault of millions.
I turned around and bumped into Simon. As a fellow non celebrity he has to make do with cash machines as well. H entered his secret code and got out his carnage tokens.
We started in Wetherspoons. My old crew were there. I sat down for banter with Roz and Hannah.
Everyone was on good form. Roz already looked disheartened and Ross hadn't even done a helicopter. She was going to be like a lamb to the slaughter tonight.
Bang on time the 'legion of doom' turned up and Ross gave me his Jaggerface. Nathan looks on in disgust. Roz is still unaware of the carnage ahead.
The Legion of Doom immediately got down to some battle tactics for the night. Battle banter.
I ruined the harmonious banter by asking if they were Legion of Doom who was Hawk and who was Animal. Ross decided Nathan should be Hawk as Hawk was bald. Nathan wasnt happy.
Ross didnt care though. He wanted to be Animal, and didn't care what Nathan thought.
Mark brought his friend down, he joined the banter like a duck to water. Steph was also enjoying the craic.
Hannah gave me her porn star pose. Its a very lazy porn star. The pint glass makes her look about 2 foot tall. Shes not. She about average height.
I told Steph something about Charlie Brown, but she seems more interested in Nats forehead.
I chatted to Monique a little. She was being a serial poser and I was having trouble getting a good pic, I just asked her to 'show me playful' She gave me her stock photo pose.
Roz decided to increase the pace of the night a notch by making a 'funny hat'. Its a mystery as to why she felt this face suited the hat though.
Monique was so impressed with Roz's hat that she committed to lesbianism immediately. Roz looks like she enjoys every second.
Ross would usually be all over hat related horseplay but he was locked in witty banter with Steph.
I decided to go back to the lesbianism but apparently the Roz/Monique relationship was over. I asked Monique to look dangerous, it was pitiful but Marek behind her gave me 9/10 dangerous.
Steph and Pam weren't doing dangerous poses, they were in more of an emo mood. Ross tried to jump the bandwagon, but he lacks emo credentials. He makes up for this with jaggerface however.
Nathan and Roz were having a bit of inter-course banter.
Secrets
Nathan tried on Monique's sunglasses. He only succeeded in making himself look blind.
Animal Ross was on the phone, maybe arranging carnage for a later date. Probably calling the home for the blind telling them their trouble patient had escaped.
The emo pictures were getting more giddy. This was more drunken and happy than emo and depressed though. They were holding each other tightly, more converts to Moniques school of lesbians?
The lesbian life was not for Steph, she couldnt wait to hit the club so danced there and then with an obliging 'dangerous' Marek. Ross is still organising future carnage on his phone.
No sooner had he rang than carnage knocked on Ross' door. He had seemingly been thrown out, he was arguing with the bouncer, definately not apologising, no one knew what was happening
I noticed the irony of them discussing the issue behind a door they shouldn't have used. Nathan shedded light on the issue 'he threw a fucking chair at me' Nathan has since toned this down to 'him slamming a chair'.
Nathan couldnt believe Animal had turned on him.
It was time to move on anyway so we went to Elements. This man wasn't put off by his run in with the authority.
It wasn't to be his night however. He asked me to take a photo of a broken man.
Id be miserable if i ws resigned to chasing this all night.
The night ended with another bought burger for £.50 thrown away after one bite.I have become aware my blog has become very 'nuts magazine' so I shall post soon about a dignified evening had with the missus. Hare Krishna
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