Chelsea vs Blackburn - "I have got more peanut kit kats than life"

My girlfriend Kim came up to visit. She is a Chelsea fan. They were playing in the semi final of the FA cup against Blackburn at Old Trafford. We didn't have tickets, but tickets are for schmucks. Who do you think I am, some kind of ticket fairy. We got the peasantwagon.

You are used to me getting the 43. This time I got the 11. I enjoy variety in my bus rides. I had no time for the 266 or 267
Kim looked like a Russian spy in these big dark glasses, she was giving secret codes over the phone about 'project sputnik'
Not really. She was talking to her Mum. Spies dont blow dandelions, girls blow dandelions. She has a lot to learn if she wants to be a top class spy like me. She will probably end up with some run down private eye firm in Macclesfield. I don't want that for her.
When we got to the metrolink stop, we were told Ronaldo had been ordered to prove he is great. After all, Alexander did, and he was Greek.
We got to the ground and bought two tickets at face value from a tout. Success. He was a big man so I didn't blog it. Here is the East stand instead.
They tried to persuade me to play for Blackburn, but I had neither the will nor the ability. They opened the gate's but I had to politely refuse. I think they mistook me for someone who is moderate at football.
I was a little dejected about my decision not to play. I slipped through the net when they were scouting. They decided my stubble was too outrageous to make a career in the professional game.
I decided to comfort eat.
The coaches containing football players arrived.This man was the most bored man who ever existed in the world.
The Chelsea players must have thought everyone was there to watch them. They were there to see the most bored man who ever existed in the world instead. He looks dejected.
After we grew bored of the bored man we decided to go for a pint. One pub, the Trafford, was a delegated Chelsea pub, we went in. The man with the tattoo on the left of the picture asked why I wasn't wearing blue. The best i could come up with was 'I'm wearing green for celery' I am not ashamed to admit I nearly died with terrorfication.
There were a lot of Chelsea fans. I should have wore blue but it made me seem like a traitor to my club Bolton. Although I did want Chelsea to win, because I dislike Blackburn and United.
Everyone was joining in on the mob mentality and singing cockney knees up songs that I didn't understand. They seemed to be enjoying it. Jellied eel's all round.
Although this fan didnt quite understand. I hope thats not his real name, actually, I hope its not his nickname. I'm not sure what I hope. He was instantly rendered a cock by his shirt anyway.
The teams kicked off. This is Michael Ballack taking a free kick. He narrowly missed.
I really wanted to capture Fat Frank Lampard, He wrote a gospel as you will see in earlier blogs. He is looking positively svelte here.
It went to extra time. I was worried I'd be late for tea. Looks like the players were equally worried. Frank does love his pie & mash.
We were all saved though.
These guys were all worried penalties would mean that they would miss their tea. But everyone was home in time for pie & mash and Chelsea won. Everyone was happy, a happy ending, except for Blackburn fans, they were sorrowful. Oh well.

Trip to the Dentist

After much calling around, a trip to the emergency dentist was sorted out. I get a little nervous about the dentist, but nowhere near as bad as some. I had 3 appointments with pain.
I left home like Jimmy Somerville in 'Small Town Boy' nervous and afraid of what lay ahead away from the familiar terraces.
I think this is the ultimate, glass half full/empty metaphor. Look at the pavement. If you are optimistic is is flower petals, if you are pessimistic its chewing gum. There is also a football bush in the garden.
Whereas this big oaf of a bush defies explanation.
I got into Altrincham. I was hungry, but I don't think you are supposed to fill your teeth with food pre-dentist. I compromised and had a pizza hut buffet.
45 minutes later.
I decided to have a little wander round, had a peer into Game to see if my mate was in, he wasn't but i saw his scrawl on a board outside. This is the worst advertising I have ever seen. The X box in the Playstation square just tops off the masterpiece. Why is it there?
No thank you Stephen, not now anyway. I have bigger toothfish to fry. This is just as bad. All I can imagine is a red faced man, fist clenched, screaming and spitting about the design layout and typeface of his Ticket.
For the record I dislike both.
Why the United theme? Because my dentists is near Old Trafford. Satisfied? Here is my dentists even if you are unsatisfied.
No blogging in here thankyou very much.
I had 2 fillings, one without anesthetic because they cant numb both sides of my face. This is because I am a hardman. I needed retail therapy.
As therapy should never be filmed here ends this sermon. I can heavily recommend Topman's new collection though.