Drinking - "I could beat you up though"

They say its not how you get there, its where you end up that matters. As a group we started in different places and ended up in different places. Most of the group started in the dingy backstreets of Boscombe. Kev and I opted for the glistening metropolis of Bournemouth. I was excited.
When everyone rocked up at Wetherspoons to see me and Kev, Ross rocked into action straight away with his magic trick. Someone touches a glass while Ross is looking away and he magically picks which glass the person touched. He downgraded to coins, but apparently his magic still applies.
Which coin to choose?
Ross guessed right. Richy looked impressed but Nathan wasn't having any of it. He said Thom and I were in cahoots. Nathan has a suspicious mind. Maybe he should work in the Police. The magic policeman.
Kev thought he had it figured, he had a trick up his sleeve to catch Ross out. Check out the magic policeman's beady eye on the right.
Kev hovered his finger and touched exactly none.
Ross guessed he had touched none. He was very smug.
Kev and magic policeman weren't convinced.
Richy wasn't bothered, he was too happy to be sceptical. Happy Richy.
Even the magic policeman lightened up.
Richy always peaks very early in the night. All the early signs were there. His girlfriend Michelle is also an early peaker. Every couple needs something in common.
Simon (On the right) made a rare appearance. His inexperience showed when he asked where we were going next. Kevs reaction to this shows it all. He had thrown petrol on a fire ready to erupt.
Ross wanted to go to a new indie night. He assumed everyone would agree.
Michelle wanted to go to Bliss, and had got Sharon and fellow early peaker Richy onside. Michelle was making business calls.
Ross suddenly realised he was going to get mowed by a Bliss flavoured bandwagon. ATTACK ROSS ATTACK!!! (Notice how scared Nathan is)
Ross told us he wasn't going to anywhere which played hip hop. He still had Kev and Thom onside though? Nope. They quickly jumped his sinking ship. It was now everyone vs him. About to be steamrollered by the bandwagon, he was getting more and more aggressive.
Ross and Thom tried to reason with him, they just wanted everyone to stick together, it was like Lennon and Ghandi trying to pacify Genghis Khan.
Eventually Ross realised the game was up and compromised with one drink at Bliss and if its shit we would move on. He seemed happy with this...
Genghis' pent up anger was still brewing though, and he told Nathan he could beat him in an armwrestle. The magic policeman was very amused.
Ross saw Kev laughing at the thought of him winning an armwrestle.
...So challenged him too
The bouncers soon put an end to that tomfoolery but more armwrestling carnage to come. Simon pointed an exciting mullet to me.
The guy was blantantly a hero of heterosexuality, just like Nathan.
...Dangerous.
Camp.
I tried to initiate a moving on. I was sick of Spoons. I made these clowns neck their drinks. Im such a gent.
They're not really clowns, they are nice. When we got outside I saw a sign. I know not what it said.
Ross brought up the armwrestling and challenged Kev once more. Kev accepted.
1....2...3...and GO!
Kev won even without removing his eye shields. At least Ross could take comfort that he could save his masculine honour in the arranged armwrestle with Nathan.
1....2.....3......and GO!
Ross had to sit there, his pride shattered. A broken man. Then came the glint. A denial glint. 'I could beat youse both up anyway' Oh Ross...Good grief. We took Ross to Bliss, a husk of a man now reduced to that 'hip hop shite'. Thom looked thoughtful.
Of course Bliss didnt play hip hop, it played the killers. Ross made a token attempt to enjoy i, but his mind had been made up in wetherspoons.
He convinced Kev and Thom to move to the indie club. I dont think it was as much him as the extortionate drinks. I think they cost rape pound fifty. Kev explained the situation and off they went.
Secrets.
A secret which made Nathan more dangerous.
Then more camp.
As if to confuse things we were then joined by some other colleagues. This is Bohemian Nathan (A seperate Nathan from magic policeman Nathan) and Steph. Nathans back is actually...a girl magnet.
Speaking of girls Sharon was in a mess.
She followed the lead of this pair of early peakers.
She was also shoeless.Like Plato from the hurricanes, or Sandie Shaw, only with the hazard of broken glass.
When we left Bliss, Sharon pointed out that her trotters were still unsheathed. Michelle began the arduous journey of putting her shoes on. Sharon was like a modern day drunken Cindarella, with her own glass slippers.
I couldn't wait any longer, it took roughly an ice age to get Sharons feet shoed. I went on ahead and joined the others in Elements. Bohemian Nathan wasn't happy. They were playing early 90's classics like JX-Theres nothing I wont do.
Id like to point Im merely calling him bohemian because he wears a headband. Steph was loving it.
Apparently ladies and disabled people are packaged into one easy to remember toilet these days.
Time for a take away. Should I have a burger? or maybe a tomato?
I plumped for a kebab.
Carnage.
I asked for large and got this.
It was horrible. I took one bite and cast it asunder on the ground. The remembered Id payed £5.50 for it and nearly cried.

Friday Carnage - "I could play for Kettering Town if I had 6 pack"

I met up firstly with Ross Fitz and Steffi for a few drinks. Bored of Wetherspoons I suggested the Litten Tree. Steph paid £7 for a double vodka coke. In revenge she turned the mobile camera tables on me.
We moved on to Fruit for cheaper drinks. The decor was described as 'like a boat' and 'looks like a coffin' I enjoyed it though. Ross, Barry and Kenny joined us.
Ross was being his usual entertaining self. He was discussing the £100 bet he had with Gordon. He is very confident of winning.
Barry and Ross started giving detailed critiques of everyones game. Theres no heavier burden than a great potential. I think thats what Ross see's himself as being burdened with. Poor Ross.
Kenny suggested that they play for fun and scrap the £100 bet, urging Ross to be the bigger man and walk away.
Barry agreed with Kenny but Ross didn't. He said Gordon started it and that a bets a bet. Debating was futile. Ross had made his mind up. Barry told Ross that if he wanted to win he would have to play pass and move.
I could tell Ross wasn't really listening. I asked him how he viewed his own football ability and he declared that 'I could play for Kettering Town if I had a 6-pack'
Ross Fitz pointed out we had girls with us and they may not be as into football as us lads. So we decided to change subject and decamp to Walkabout.
We went to where the streets have no name. This street is called Old Christchurch Road. Ross banged Barrys head against a window. I have nothing to say on this.
We got into Walkabout and I saw Keith. I immediately angled after everyone to do dangerous poses. I will rate out of ten. Keith gets 4
Paul 5/10. Too much like Morrissey.
This is what Im talking about, Ross, gets a solid 8.
Barry didn't understand the concept.
He decided, instead of looking dangerous, he would dance with this little cherub.
Im not sure quite what happened with it but I know that 'Ross' and 'sabotage' were mentioned. Barry wasn't happy and got revenge later in the night. Ross and Kenny aren't Walkabouts biggest fans.
Keith, Paul and Karla loved it though. Posers.
Karla was dancing like she was in Ibiza circa 1999. Paul obviously doesn't like trance music.Secrets.
Banter.
All the while Karla was still dancing like she was in Footloose.
She was too easy a target for Ross who performed a 'helicopter' on her leg. If you want to know what a helicopter is, ask him. Barry saw his chance for revenge.
Knowing Steffi wouldn't approve of 'helicopters' Barry informed her of Ross' naughty exhibitionist manouevere. Ross wasn't happy.
There was more drama to come...this photo may not say much to you but it was taken seconds before disaster.
In Karla's haste not to be photographed she lunged for me, and like a ten pin bowl knocking skittles left, right and centre, she left everyones drinks in her wake. This was the scene after the hurricane passed.
The table was dripping wet and those two glasses were previously full. Paul was left staring at the lights playful glint through his newly emptied pint glass and dreaming of what might have been. Worse was to come....For Ross.
His crotch had taken quite the soaking. No more helicopters for you mister.
Kenny's bromance couldn't even cheer him up. Nothing could get Karla down though. She was a whirling dervish.
Kenny abandoned his attempts to make Ross smile and decided to conduct fictional orchestras instead.
Hmmm...talk to the face Ross.
Thats better.
Everthing was smoothed over. Ross was happy the helicopter hadn't ruined his previous impeccable reputation. Steffi joined me in an emotastic pose to celebrate.
With everybody happy, we all left for warm beds. Except Kenny, Ross Fitz and myself who were eager for extended 3am carnage.
We went to Dusk til Dawn and we all enjoyed it, especially Kenny who stayed on after Ross and I left. All I got from the club was this snap of some exciting decor.
I will be updating midweek so keep tuned.